I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
