i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
