I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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