We're facebook friends in real life
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
