i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
