Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
