mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
