i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
