If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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