If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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