I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
