you guys were way drunker than both of me
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
