ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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