I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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