dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
then he tried to convert me to islam
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
