Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
