I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
