omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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