Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
