In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
