what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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