she looked like the bat from fern gully.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
