some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In other news, I just burned my penis
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
