Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
