I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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