I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
