I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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