he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
