why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
