I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
