Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
