We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
