You're completely useless in the revolution.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
