Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
