Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is my gift to your gina
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
