Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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