i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
