I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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