mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
