so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
