I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
