This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
