in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
