I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
