Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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