He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
