Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
