Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
