My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
