We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
