1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
