God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
