I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
