I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she peed on how many people?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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